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10 Signs Which Tell You That It’s Just Infatuation & Not Love

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Image courtesy: Hum Films/ Chupan Chupai

‘Love at first sight’ is something we all have heard. However, you can’t fall in love with someone within few seconds. One can definitely get attracted towards someone for their good looks or a particular habit. When you first go through such an experience you often feel confused. You are not sure whether you are in love with them or it’s just mere attraction. It’s hard to differentiate between the two when you are infatuated it feels like you are in love, however, that’s not the case. Infatuation is short-lived while love is deep and long lasted. Here are 10 signs which tells you that it’s just infatuation & not love.

1. It’s quick, while real love takes time to sink in

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Infatuation is instant, you can fall in for someone just like that. Once they are out of it, they start seeing all the wrong things with the relationship. While love takes time to digest as two people get to know each other more closely. If you want to find real love in life, you need to build that kind of confidence and trust with one another.

2. Infatuation demands more physical connection rather than building a deep connection

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Infatuation is more about physical attraction for the other person. You tend to demand more of their physical affection rather than really getting into a relationship. Love goes deeper, its a connection between to minds and souls. It’s not the physical need of your body, it’s about finding one true partner. That’s why teenage love is often considered as weak and incomplete.

3. It’s all about yourself

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You are more interested in yourself. In short, you want to get the max out of a relationship for yourself. They keep their goals limited to their own pleasure. You tent to have a dream life. While in love, you talk about more serious things. You discuss your future, career, kids and what lies ahead for both of you.

4. Infatuation is obsession while love is about caring for each other.

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Infatuation brings out the insecurities in you. You always feel insecure about your partner, what they are doing? and whom are they connecting to? Also, you feel jealous when you see someone having a better relationship than you. Only because you don’t carry those feelings, you are always looking for better. In love, you learn to compromise. There is no such thing is getting better. It’s about making your life better with mutual trust.

5. Everything seems perfect

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Oh yes, everything looks so perfect. You don’t find anything wrong, you accept everything as they are. You find all their positiveness so attractive that you simply ignore the other part. Making someone feel that God made them so flawless is an imperfection in itself.  You make superficial rules to build your relationship. You avoid getting into a debate because you feel things might fall off. Nobody is born perfect, we all have flaws. In fact, love is about knowing their weaknesses and accepting them. True love is about acceptance, good or bad, one learns to live with it. While you are in love you can get into some rough discussions but you know how to resolve those issues.

6. Love is about everything around you and not just two people

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If your relationship takes you away from your friends, family and boycotting the rest of the society. Someone in a true relationship learns to accept everyone and everything around you. They won’t ask you to leave your friends or limit yourself. Also, a lot of people let go of many important things such as they compromise on their career. They risk their future because you are unable to see anything. When in love it works the other way, you feel more responsible and determined. You are more dedicated towards your goals in life because you want a better life for yourselves.

7. Love teaches you to let go of things

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Infatuation makes you hyper over small things. Even a tiny thing can stir up an unnecessary debate. It can lead to a disagreement and often ends up at an end of a relationship. Well, when you really love someone you let go of small things. You accept them and avoid getting into such unnecessary conversations which can damage your relationship for no reason.

8. You think you know everything

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A lot of times people believe they know each other very well just because you are attracted towards each other. If you really haven’t set together and discussed their future and what they want in life, then you really don’t know each other. You can only fall in love with someone then you really need to talk to each other. The more you talk, the more you will know about the other person. Maybe, you might not like them after knowing certain things about them or you may like them more. Having a conversation is necessary.

9. Love takes you one step ahead

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Love takes it time and with time you learn a lot about each other. You discuss everything and plan together on how to take your relationship further. While infatuation is all about what you have in present. You want to have everything in a moment you are living in.

10. Love makes you more confident while infatuation lives under a shadow of fear.

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You are always worried about losing the other person. This takes away the true essence of a relationship. You are not yourself when you are infatuated towards someone. These feelings are not a sign of love but it’s just the insecurity inside you. The fear of losing someone is the first sign that you haven’t built that trust. While love makes you confident. You never get these thoughts because you know that no matter what, they would stand beside you.

Life

10 Reasons Why Guys Should Pay On A Date & Hey, It’s Not Against Feminism

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In the midst of the debate over gender equality, there is always few questions left unanswered. One such question is about paying for the first date. A lot of women believe that there is nothing wrong if they had to pay. However, we believe that there are still things which should be kept aside the gender war. Honestly, its a great gesture for someone you care. Here are 10 reasons why guys should pay on a date.

1. Somethings goes best the ‘old school’ way

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There is a general courtesy and such acts of decency are not against women empowerment. Neither they challenge the status quo of modern day women. Praising someone or giving them a nice bouquet of flowers or opening the door for her on the first date is all about leaving a great first impression.

2. It’s not friendship

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Always remember you are not there as a friend. While you are on a date, you are surely not out there to make friends where you would split the bill. This night is a special one and carries different rules.

3. Everybody wants to get pampered, no matter how empowered are you.

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Even if you are the one who likes to take control over things, there is no harm in getting pampered. Being cared for is a great gesture on a date. At least it tells you that the guy would care about you if you decide to go on with the relationship.

4. It’s not about money

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Taking to you a nice place and paying the bill is not about showing how well you do. Whatever you are paying is more about valuing your company. This shows how much they value your time and company, no matter whatever is the size of the bill.

5. If he is the one asking you out, then he should take the lead

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There are hardly any such instances where a woman would ask someone out for a date. Generally, men approach women and ask them out for a date. So, if you have asked someone then he should have the courtesy to bare the expenses. Afterall, she is the guest and one should treat them well if they have accepted the invitation.

6. It speaks volume about your character

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Well, you two might not see each other for the next date but at least it leaves a decent impression. It shows what kind of man are you made of and the kind of people you are surrounded with. Also if he is doing it for the first doesn’t mean that he will continue to do so. It just shows that he values you and he is generous enough to take care of that one night.

7. A date is a costly affair for a woman

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Noone can deny that a girl has to take care of more than one thing. She has to think about her wardrobe, her looks, hairstyle and everything else to look perfect. Though things are changing, still everyone expects a girl to look great on her first date. So, if it costing a girl so much to meet someone’s expectations then at least the guy can take care of the bill.

8. You can always return the favor, everybody gets their turn

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Even if you can afford to pay or share the bill, doing it on the first date is not the best option. It looks as if you keep a count on things. A healthy relationship is based on giving and takes. You will always have your turn. Maybe you can gift them something later or ask them for a cup of coffee after the dinner. If you two get along, you can always put turns to pay the bills.

9. It tells you that you are welcoming and give space in a relationship

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It also speaks a lot about your mentality. If you are allowing him then it shows that you respect him and have no issues in sharing the space. Also, it helps him take a step forward and share his feelings with you. This can only happen if both develop this kind of trust between each other.

10. There are more important issues which need to be addressed when it comes to gender equality

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When it comes to gender equality, there is a lot more to handle. Our society is still fighting for equal pay in so many industries. Gender roles are being constantly questioned and luckily a guy paying for a date is not an issue on the table. In fact, these little gestures help understand the roles in more convenient manner.

 

 

 

 

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Life

Fact Correction: Islam Has Nothing To Do With Honor Killings

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It is kind of absurd to imagine that even in this era of modern technology where science has put a man to the moon, developed flying vehicles, and women are encouraged to compete with their male counterparts in all fields of life, some poor woman is being killed in the name of honor by her own family just because she demanded to live her life on her own terms in front of people she thought will always protect and care for her.

Sadly, in almost 90% of the honor killing cases, it is the woman who is blamed primarily and has to face punishment. This goes out to prove an extent of misogyny embedded in the mindsets of such so-called honor upholders. Boys involved in any incident get away easily and are almost never put into the equation. This furthermore assures the extent of discrimination against girls and women.

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Lack of education is the core issue

Honor killing is a serious problem on a global level, according to statistics, 5000 women reportedly lose their lives by the hands of honor annually and nearly 1000 such cases are annually reported in Pakistan and India.

Sadder is the fact that almost half of such cases are never even reported to authorities, these homicides are deceived to look accidents and in some cases, these poor girls are even forced to commit suicide. Apart from murder, victims are mentally tortured, shamed and beaten. Many cases have reported of acid being thrown at victims.

Honor killing is a sickening practice prevailing in developing countries, almost rare in developed countries. A deeper study of these cases leads back to only one major cause- illiteracy. Nearly every case of honor killing has emerged from the rural part where people priorities their flawed cultural norms more than education and human rights.

Education plays a vital role in teaching a person right from wrong and in reinforcing their morals. In these rural areas, the standard of education is so poor, it’s impossible to learn anything of value except curriculum. It’s a practice most common in sub-continent and it haunts the women of community living in these areas.

Marrying someone of your own choice continues to be a common factor in the majority of the cases

Unlike the west, where a woman is standing up against misogyny and gender discrimination/oppression, it’s difficult for women living in the sub-continent to express their views due to the widespread misogyny infected mindset of the community.

A deeper analysis shows a pattern that is much more intense in uneducated rural areas as compared to educated urban areas. In such areas, women are barred from interacting with the opposite gender let alone falling in love with one or getting to decide which man to marry and if a woman is found doing that, she ultimately becomes a stain on the family’s name and is killed in the name of honor.

This leads to question whether this really is 21st century or not? Have we achieved all sorts of scientific marvels but are unable to give respect and liberty to women.

In 2015, 1,096 cases of honor killings were reported in Pakistan, the causes of which mainly were disputes, pre-marital relationships and personal choice in marriage. Most of these victims were shot to death. Meanwhile, in India, the percentage of honor killings in India increased by 796% from 2014 to 2015.

While there is no special law in India to tackle the issue of honor killing, the Pakistani government has implemented a punishment of at least 25 years for the killer in addition to a DNA test to furthermore punish the perpetrator.

Honor Killings & Islam

Some people blame Islam to be the reason behind honor killing and promotion of women oppression while the reality is the total opposite of the claim. Islam literally means peaceful. Islam is the most peaceful religion in the world and the only religion to provide the woman with the status she deserves in society.

1,400 years ago, women were far from being considered as humans, were treated like animals and were made victims of horrible crimes such as rape and slavery. Islam is the first religion to protect women and quote the worth of a woman. Furthermore, Islam despises harm let alone murder.

Centuries ago Islam told parents to ask their daughters of their will before marriage. Islam has clearly given a woman a right to decide. Extremism, illiteracy, and discrimination shouldn’t be mixed with religion. It’s the people’s twisted understanding of the culture that allows them to take a life over honor, not religion.

Islam labels murder as the worst of crimes and says that the murder one being is the murder of the whole humanity. Can Islam really promote such a heinous crime? Think for yourself.

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Life

8 Unnecessary Assumptions You Might Be Making Out Of Everything Your Partner Says

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Source: Youtube/ Dice Media/ Little Things

In every relationship, one thing which ruins everything is too much overthinking about everything your partner says. This is not just relationship with your life partner but goes the same with everyone. At times, people look for those hidden meanings when your partner says anything. It’s not that they are actually willing to do such, people put the words in their mouth just to hear what they want. Too much stressing about what your partner said and overthinking can ruin any relationship.

Such things can also manipulate a relationship in different ways, making too many assumptions can lead an unexpected path.  Acting as if you know what your partner wants to say or what they meant can disrupt a relationship. Here are 8 unnecessary assumptions you might be making out of everything your partner says. Rather than creating your own versions, it’s best to practice active listening and understand what they really wanted to say,

1. You only listen to the key point and hang on to it, leaving behind the rest of the conversation

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While listening to your partner, you only focus on the leading point of the conversation. If you just hold on to that point and leave behind the rest what was said then you were not really into the conversation. If you are not listening to their complete side of the story, then you can’t really respond to it in a correct manner. If you think you have understanding issues, then you can repeat what they said just to make sure that you got their point right.

2. Not ready to take it back

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It’s important to learn to take criticism, especially if that is coming from someone you love. If you are ok giving your feedbacks but not ready to take that, then you are not moving anywhere. This normally happens when you have already assumed that you don’t need to change. People stop taking criticism seriously or simply avoid them because they believe they have everything going in the right direction.

3. You will always have a different interpretation of your conversation

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This is totally normal, as humans we have a tendency to judge things differently. Every individual can have a different version of the same story. This all depends on how did they intercept the piece of communication. When it comes to relationships, assuming something different can lead to a different outcome. When you are not confident about your relationship then this is most likely to happen. If two people are having two different versions of a story, they would end up in an unnecessary argument. It’s always wiser to run the conversation through your partner just to make sure that both of you are on the same page.

4. You manipulate your relationship

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It’s been noticed many times that people tend to manipulate certain situations in a relationship. They do it to test their partner or to see what they wish to see. In doing that, you might not realize that you are pushing your partner unnecessarily. Testing someone you love is an act of untrustworthiness.  Also, a lot of times people don’t actually realize that they are doing such things. They just end up doing it, damaging their relationship in a long run. People use different techniques to trigger such behaviors, such as shutting up a conversation, giving a silent treatment to your partner.

5. You run an analysis on everything they say

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One does not necessarily have to evaluate everything that is said.  If you are running a forensic test on each and every conversation that you have serious trust issues in your relationship. This actually means that you are trying hard to find something which can create some kind of trouble. If you end up analyzing each world that is being said or written just to create something out of it then your relationship is already heading towards harm’s way.

6. You don’t set a limit on your relationships with your family & friends

Head Over Heels

We all share our lives with our family and friends. There is nothing wrong with doing that but this doesn’t mean that they become a part of your life. However, if there is too much of an exchange than that could harm your relationship. If you are constantly listening to them, then you might start depending on their suggestion. Remember they are not in your shoes and they might not be able to see the whole picture. Also, because they only know your side of the story. Such interference can only create negativity in your relationship.

7. Always thinking how bad your life is and how worse it can get

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A lot of many people find hard and get stuck in their past. If you are not about to get out of it then your relationship will come to an end soon. Whenever you think of having a conversation, you think of all the worst things that can happen to your relationship. Only because you had some bad past experiences. You can never move forward in a relationship if you hold yourself back, what’s important is to think of all the positive things and work on getting things better.

8. Creating your own ending

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If you are waiting for things to slip off your hands with your own assumptions. If you have already created your own story and if you are looking for that one point then you will have it. If you go so deep into something then there are high chances that you will end up having it. People start behaving in a way that would push them to react in a certain manner. Such actions often occur during heated conversations and your only focus is to hear that one thing running through your mind, then there are high chances that you might not hear it at all. All you would end up having is unnecessary stress and anxiety all the time.

 

 

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